Mental Health Awareness

      In 2015, I had the opportunity to feature my film "Ascension I am not my Mother" at the Piton International Film Festival in St.Lucia; there I had the pleasure of meeting this beautiful personality Dr Mary E May, a woman with a down to earth look on life and the CEO of Butterfly Love LLC. 
     Demedrius Charles Productions is honored to share her thoughts on Mental health and its growing affect on people in our country; the importance of education and self love.

Mary E May MFT
​http://butterflylovellc.com/meet-the-owner/

The value of human life can be directed by multiple cultural and spiritual compasses. In society, we are guided in our interactions on how we manage the choices and decisions of life. Our template to manage our relationships and challenges we encounter in our personal, social, and every day community activities are instrumental in our wellness. Our ability to recognize the manifestation of our thoughts is becoming actions is also key. In families of color, most of the values have been developed from experience and exposure along with spiritual rituals which provide expectations and rules.
Let’s examine how life of relationships from the core of the parental structure, our professional life, and community interactions. Trauma has multiple vicarious impact on an individual from moment to moment and day to day. People of color have been exposed to so many layers of trauma just in the general rites of passage that when it comes to mental health they are jaded as to whether the experience is real or that it is something beyond their personal control. As it may be well intentioned to congratulate or offer feedback of well wishes, it can be received as a negative critique. To the degree that the stated comments may resonate with internalized thought and feelings that bring people to a dark thinking emotions that lead to suicide as the resolution. Often, individuals have put up appearances and wearing mask to ‘please others’ and not functioning in their personal space of emotional excellence. When this becomes, prevalent, they often become altered and jaded where the everyday decisions become difficult. This process then sustaining the manifestation of self-doubt and questioning about the purpose or ineffective values of their very existence. Their perception regarding maintaining this life style in the shadow of these manifested thoughts creates conflict. The conflict then raises the experience of anxiety and depressive thoughts. In their interactions with others, loved one’s way comment that they are not strong in their prayer life or not trying hard enough. This can be debilitating and further lead to the continual questioning that if, ‘I am not doing it right in my personal capacity then I must not be relevant to continue to live’. This is where the consideration of “giving up” may come into play and to what extent and plan can one develop their ability to cope. In their scope of the silent bruises of comments that have been made, their thoughts are guided to the ugly word and action of SUICIDE. The value of suicide is that “I can escape and no longer have this burden or be a burden to others with the unrealistic expectations.” In the multiple thoughts that creep into one’s space and emotional energy cause them to see the option of suicide as an intervention of relief. This being solely because they have not sought out the support that would enable the resources and thought process of knowing that they are significant and strong to grow through these stressful moments and have a healing testimony on the other side of this overwhelming challenging experience.
When coping, the skills have not been maintained in the emotional tool kit and or traumatized repeatedly to no avail is when someone would consider the resolution to be the act of suicide. These moments are very critical gateway to the overall ability to accept the change or disappointment as a gift and life lesson. An example of this is perceived failure in their decision
making, change in significant relationships, loss of jobs, finances change, critical feedback from personal/professional performance. However, in effort to not disappoint their audience of family, children, loved ones and professional environment any further causes increased distress. The reality of suicide as a choice and resolution becomes real as the bruises from conversations with expectation become overwhelming. The emotional injury causes the pain from all aspects of putting the puzzle pieces of life together. In the viewpoint of a person considering suicide, their external successes are reviewed in the dark thought space and becomes an internal struggle of their own value of life. 
Mental health issues are alive and well within the communities of color. They won’t go away unless we continue finding more ways to talk about the issues and encourage others to seek help. In preparation to conceptualize how the decision of SUICIDE becomes a real thought for many – I consider all individuals that I have worked with that inform my reach about authentic healing. The ability to move out of the depressive thoughts or actions that challenge healing is a mental health process that requires the appropriate outside assistance. In minority families, they may recommend praying more or talking to the matriarch lead in the family. However, the best support is a neutral professional that can help the individual in this state of mind to begin to reorganize their position, goals, and purpose in the events that cause them the increased level of stress. 

It is extremely important that the loved ones are aware and willing to support with a shift in their comments and access to items that can implement their choice of suicide. The emotional injury of individuals repeating the bruises through verbal comments cause for the traumatic thinking to result in suicidal ideation. At times, it can be both homicidal and suicidal depending on the triggering thoughts that have welcomed this thought process. We must be mindful that everything said and all interactions can be more repetitive bruises that fuel the manifested thoughts and becoming dismissive of the reality of distress.
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Whereas it is well intentioned, some of the rituals and expectations of some religious practices fuel many levels of mental health distress. It is human nature to comply and live up to the standards of our values, beliefs and teaching. However, as life is impacted with more intense stressors in the work place, finances, interpersonal relationships, social situations, and accomplishments – the challenge becomes more traumatic. Therefore, the external professional would be the best positive resource for an individual who is considering suicide.
There is safety planning and strategic conversations that should occur when working with individuals who consider suicide as an option. There are various levels of the healing space as the packages come in different sizes. There is no assignment to ethnicity or cultural background that has one mental health concern over the other. The level to which we engage in vicarious trauma has been magnified with great intensity daily. Therefore, we need to pull the mask off that value and belief and begin to confront what we stuff and hide. Communities of color have endured many layers of distress and victimization and in some cases, we have ignored the manifestation and hope that it will just go away. Unfortunately, it will not disappear without true work to resolve the underlying challenges that create the existence of its validity. Mental health is not a secret and it is not a dark place. It is a safe space that is in place to provide
resources to identify, assess, and develop skillful steps to decrease the repetitive nature of stress to continue to have influence in your day to day lives. The reality is that the age of influence the most for suicide begins as early as the age of 8 years old with prevalence through teen age development. Then it begins again as young adults purging and maintain independent adult life from 18 -26 years old. We then again see the manifestation of suicide from 35-45 span of life. Lastly, there is a spike in senior suicide as well from 60-65 as they are transitioning with medical issues and friends/family losses. In each life cycle, there are various goals and external development that impact the decisions and challenges that make mental health treatment and wellness a realistic opportunity to consider. There are key words that individuals state when in this process that are key to take note as well:
Children will state: “They just want to go to sleep and not wake up”
Teens: “No one will miss me when I am gone”; “They don’t value my opinion or thoughts anyway” Young adults: “I am a failure anyway” “He/She doesn’t love me anymore; I may as well be gone”
As a lay person, if you are dismissive to the direct call and request for assistance with life decisions be mindful that some bruises bruise blind. The key is to be a resource even if this is an area that is not comfortable to you then acknowledge and work with them to identify someone that can assist you and them into a healing space. Therefore, telling someone that they should just pray without action and external support of talking to a skillful professional is not fruitful to their overall healing. Mental health and the area of Suicide do not manifest in vacuum or isolation. We can begin to recognize the vicarious exposure to stress in our lives through our thoughts, traffic, interpersonal interactions, parent-child decision making, ability to accept and process delayed incentives all call for new application of healing and realistic conversations. The reality and misperception of how stress enter our emotional space can be surprising. It comes as a surprise, because not recognizing the emotional injury in our dismissive actions of thoughts further encourages the negative thoughts that creates the ideation of suicide. What is simple to cope with for one person is a challenge to others. Engaging in the investment to love yourself during the stressful moment can be best demonstrated by investment in professional counseling for additional support. This is the best gift that can be given to you and person to heal from emotional injury and all of whom would be impacted by you not receiving the support.
As a family therapist, it common to work with individuals who choose to ignore what is pressing and put it up on a shelf. The signs of our challenges are always present. The priority of your personal goals and values may need to be re-scripted to ensure that you are walking in the space of excellence that is truly in your space of calling. There are professionals that practice with both professional and spiritual values in their core concepts that are available to guide you individually and as a family. Resiliency grows through the gift of authentic and non-judgmental spaces of healing. Invest in yourself and that or your loved one’s around you. 

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Mary E. May, CEO/Founder of Butterfly Love, LLC
www.butterflylovellc.com – www.facebook.com/butterflyloveconsult